How to End A Relationship, Respectfully

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Are you in an unhealthy relationship with someone you love and respect, but you just don’t know how to get out of it? Are you in a relationship with someone you feel you have lost respect for, but you’re still unsure of the best way to discontinue your relationship? If you’re in any variation of these tricky situations, and you are hoping to move forward without the tumult of the relationship you are currently in, then this post is for you.

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Check in with yourself.

Being in a relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic, professional or familial can be really challenging for a number of reasons. One of the more challenging aspects of relationships we find ourselves really involved in is that sometimes, if we’re not careful, we begin to think a bit too much from the perspective of the other person and a bit too little from the perspective of our authentic selves.

In good times and bad times, in all life’s ups and downs, the most important voice you will ever listen to is your own. It is incredibly important that you are in tune with your truest self and the reality of your interests and desires. This is how we show up authentically in our relationships with others. So, when things have gone awry in any relationship in your life, take a moment to check in with yourself?

“Have I been honest about who I am and what I desire?”

“Have I been consistent? Are there any mixed messages I may have been sending as of late?”

“What am I really feeling in this relationship right now, and what do I want moving forward?”

“Am I willing to move forward with this person, and to what extent or cost?”

These are some example questions you may need to ask yourself when dealing with a relationship that feels broken, especially one that feels broken beyond the hope of repair because let’s face – if you’ve come to this post, then you probably already know what it’s like to be in one of these situations.

Check in with the other person.

A really important next step when dealing with the desire to end a relationship is checking in with the other person. Now, it is not always necessary to check in with a person to discuss the end of a relationship. Here’s why. Regardless of what social media or Lifetime TV may have told you, you don’t inherently owe anyone anything, and no one in this life inherently owes you anything. Period.

Some relationships require some discussion in order for you to clear a path forward for yourself that successfully avoids unnecessary tolls on your mental and emotional health, however, this is not always the case. It is important for you to be able to discern the difference. 

If you are able, and the other person is willing, create a safe space for the two of you to engage in a discussion about the problems each of you are facing within the context of your relationship. If you are open to rekindling what the two of you once shared, go ahead and make that clear. However, if you are unwilling to move forward with this person, go ahead and make that clear during your discussion when it is most appropriate.

Safe spaces are paramount to the success of tough conversations. Before you dive into the issues of how this person’s words and actions have left you to feel, and before they dive into the illustration of how your behaviour has impacted them, be sure to make it very clear that you are both committing to holding a safe space for the other person to express themselves with uninterrupted authenticity.

Now, if you feel like a conversation about the potential end of your relationship with someone in your life will require more than you can afford to give of your mental health, go ahead and exit stage left—let the relationship go without the conversation. Even if you are feeling unsure, it is always better to move forward than to remain still in one place for too long a time. It is also better to end the relationship without the conversation than to have the conversation without the procurement of a safe space.

Ghosting does not have the best reputation socially, however, we do it a lot more than we care to admit, and sometimes we don’t do it when it actually needs to be done. Sure, it is nice to feel a sense of closure from one chapter of our lives that helps us turn the page to what’s next, however, if you are unable to endure the process of what the journey to that closure might look like right now, you need to do what is best for you. Even if it feels selfish, do what needs to be done. You cannot help someone if you are unwilling to help yourself.

Move on with your life.

Once you have resolved to end a relationship, you need to move on. There is more life to be lived – go out and live it! What dreams are you chasing? What new realities do you have the power to create? Your future is literally in the palm of your hands –don’t waste it fixating on what used to be. 

This is a really important part of ending a relationship. A lot of people get stuck reminiscing on past memories shared with people who are no longer a part of their lives, and if they’re not careful, they begin to dwell in that space, abandoning their present and future potential by focusing on something that they had once resolved to leave behind. 

If you are in a situation right now where you feel it necessary to end a relationship (or two, or six, or nine), take this advice. Don’t go another day wondering why things never work out. Take ownership of your decision to stay or go, and take action in direction of the desires of your heart.

Why sink when you can SWIM?

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How to Embrace Your Family’s Culture

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Have you ever wanted to connect more with your family’s culture? Ever felt like maybe there was something more you could do to show your interest in understanding your family members and your family history? This may not be the tell-all or the “ultimate guide” on how to embrace your family structure, however, we felt these three nuggets might be most useful for our readers who are looking to identify more with their family’s culture and heritage.

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Ask questions

One of the quickest routes to the answers of life is always going to be found in the asking of a question. “How was your day?” “Do you like our new beverage?” “What’s the weather like outside?” The same principle applies when it comes to getting to know your family.

Asking questions is an important step in learning how to embrace your family’s culture because it provides the foundation for understanding to be built. These questions can range in depth and severity depending on who you are speaking with and what your objectives are. Remember to always exercise patience and gratitude when asking questions about a family member or a family story – as close as you may be in each others hearts, you never know what triggers you may be tripping in your discussions with the ones you love.

Here is a short list of some questions you might ask to better understand your family’s culture, heritage or traditions:

• What country are you from?

• What is your native language?

• What was your relationship with your mother like while growing up?

• What was a normal day for you during your primary school years?

• What was home life like for you and your family growing up?

• What are some of your favourite family traditions and why?

• Did you have any dreams about your future when you were little?

• How did your family respond to or support your dreams as a child?

• What are your favourite memories of your family?

• Were there any special family traditions?

• Do you have any special family dishes I should know about?

• What’s one difficult situation you faced with your family, and how did you handle it?

• What is one difficult family memory you have, and how do you navigate those feelings?

Participate in family traditions

If the first step to embracing your family’s culture is to ask questions and build understanding, then the next step that would make the most sense is to get involved and be an active participant in family activities. It’s time to participate in your family’s traditions.

Now, depending on your family’s background and the current interests of the leading members of your family, your traditions might look a little different than others… or a lot. It all depends.

Maybe it’s Sunday night football, Taco Tuesday or Wednesday night Bible study. Maybe it’s digital distancing on Fridays and Saturdays, or dinner at Auntie’s on Thursday nights. Maybe it’s celebrating the High Holy Days, going to church or fashion week. Whatever your family’s traditions are, participating in one or more will help you in embracing your family’s culture, and may actually bring your family closer together.

Here is a short list of some common family traditions:

• Sitting down for a meal together

• Saying a prayer together regularly

• Singing, dancing or performing together

• Reading together as a family

• Family story time

• Family movie night

• Family game night

• Annual family vacation

• Weekly family mental health check in

• Family group hugs and handshakes

• Family hiking, fishing, or other outdoors adventure

Attend family gatherings

Whether the gathering itself be common or uncommon, take the time to be present with your family when the opportunity arises. This is the most organic way to build closeness, to understand and embrace the culture of your family, and to even help perpetuate it.

If you’re in your hometown, perhaps coordinate with family members to have a dinner or a special family outing. Visit someone’s house, or go support a loved one at something special they have going on. Take the time to get to know your loved ones – after all, culture is really driven by who we are.

So there you have it. If you have been wanting to build more closeness and understanding with your family, such that you might be able to effectively embrace or identify with their culture, consider these steps and see where they take you. 

Why sink when you can SWIM?

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