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How to Be Assertive, Respectfully
The struggle to be heard or understood is often related to a lack of assertiveness. Today, we are going to focus on three things you can do to be more assertive, while also being respectful of others.
Have you ever felt the urge to tell someone how you really feel, yet you were nervous it might come off as a little too mean? Or maybe you knew what you said was mean, and you said it anyway? Have you ever felt like you needed to assert yourself, yet you were unsure of how to do so while also being respectful of others? If you said yes to any of these questions, then respectfully, this post is for you.
One of the things that connects us all as humans is the universal need to feel seen, heard and valued. An article published to Psychology Today actually explains that “the first experience in each brain… is the sense that you will die if you are not heard.”
I’m sure we all know what it feels like to be unheard from one experience or another in our lives—what are some of the things that keep us from feeling truly heard though?
The fear of someone thinking that what we have to say is unimportant
The fear that what we say will be packaged or perceived as mean
The fear that our feelings are invalid
Trouble with self-expression
The list goes on. The struggle to be heard or understood is often related to a lack of assertiveness. This is not always the case, however, when it is, it is something worth working on. Today, we are going to focus on three things you can do to be more assertive, while also being respectful of others.
Build Self Confidence
What is self confidence? Self confidence is a term that refers to “one’s capacity for believing and trusting in one's own abilities, qualities and judgement.” (The Academic Glossary) You can build self confidence by choosing to believe in yourself.
Of course you will fail. Of course you will make mistakes. That’s life. Self confidence is more of an “all in all” effort than an “all or nothing.” Choose to believe in your ability to say what you mean, and choose to speak what you know or what you believe with authority.
Practise Self-Expression
Self-expression refers to “one's capacity for sharing one's own thoughts, feelings and ideas with others, especially in writing, art, music or dance.” (The Academic Glossary) Being respectfully assertive requires clear and direct communication, which means that you’ll need to be able to accurately express your thoughts and feelings in order for you to get it right.
You can practise self-expression through the arts, through meditation, and in everyday conversations!
Maintain Sensitivity to Others
Sensitivity to others is a universal core competency that refers to “one's capacity for communicating and understanding the feelings and perspectives of others while maintaining balance in one's own decision making and thought process.” (The Academic Blog)
Sometimes, if we’re not careful, we over-sensationalise the idea of being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others—so much so that we refrain from ever saying what we truly mean, believe or desire. As you build self confidence and self-expression, remember that being sensitive to others should never stop you from being honest. If anything, it should allow you the freedom to be more transparent, vulnerable and assertive when you speak.
Put these tips to work as you go about your day and see how it feels. Try it out for a month and see how things begin to change in your life. Take your power back, and use your voice.
Why sink when you can SWIM?
Related Courses
How to Respect People You Dislike
At the end of the day, we are all human. Fortunately, you don’t have to allow something you dislike to take up so much of your time. Leverage this advice to move on to bigger and better things. Why sink when you can SWIM?
Let’s be honest. At some point or another you’ve either done, said or thought something that wasn’t nice. No need to confess it! We already know, because we’re human, just like you. But if you’ve ever had a hard time treating someone you dislike with respect, then this post is for you.
Before diving into today’s topic, let’s just start off by clearing up one thing. The vast majority of things we like and dislike about ourselves and other folx in our lives come from associated behaviours. Think of your favourite artist, teacher, motivational speaker, writer, business owner or manager, family members and friends.
“I like Sharon because she always greets people with a smile on her face.”
“I’m in love with Charlie’s sense of style. I just adore it so much!”
“The way Abel SLID on “Best Friends” literally changed my life. I will always love him for this.”
“I really can’t stand the way Justin feels the need to over explain every little thing we do in the office, and I just wish he’d stop talking sometimes.”
“I strongly dislike Sammy, because they never show up on time to anything, and they always think it’s okay and no one’s gonna notice because they look cute and they brought wine. It’s like, of course, I’m gonna enjoy the wine, but I don’t care about your outfit and I don’t want to hear why you were five hours late to the function… again!”
Spotlighting a condensed excerpt from psychology professor, Dr. Donald A. Laird’s Why We Like Some People and Don’t Like Others (published in 1931), co-authors Brett and Kate McKay published an article that describes a common list of behavioural traits that could be deemed as determining factors in whether a person is going to be liked or disliked. The list covers everything from cleanliness to humour, anger, gossip and generosity, and gives additional insight or advice on some of the more nuanced traits. Certainly if you read through this list, you found some things that remind you of others, and if you’re honest you probably found a few things that remind you of yourself too. Right? Right.
In another article published to Psychology Today by author and teacher, Beverly D. Flaxington, we’re reminded of one of the greatest behavioural research tools ever invented—DISC. The DISC tool is perhaps the most comprehensive tool known to date, as it has been used and relied on for many years, and in many countries across the world.
D stands for Dominance.
I stands for Influencing.
S stands for Steadiness.
C stands for Compliance.
Using this tool can help you to better understand yourself and others, as well as why you may or may not like someone both now and in the future. But not everyone will have the time or the resources to use this tool to its fullest potential, which is why we created this post.
We can safely assume that it is virtually impossible for you to make it through this life without encountering someone you dislike. However, disliking someone is not a warrant for disrespect. Here are some ways you can still respect someone you dislike:
Limit your interactions with that person
Refrain from discussing this person unnecessarily
Unfollow or unfriend them on social media
Stop consuming the content this person creates
At the end of the day, we are all human. We each have our own unique thoughts, perspectives and personal interests, and yes, sometimes we will encounter people we dislike. But why allow something you dislike to take up so much of your time when you can literally move on to bigger and better things?
Why sink when you can SWIM?
Related Courses
During this course, students will reflect on the reality of their past, present and future identities, and the significance of interpersonal relationships and habitual practices to build self-confidence and determination.